First, a little housekeeping. My apologies about the lack of a column last week. My vowels were at the cleaners. It turns out an all-consonant column is practically mpssbl 2 ndrstnd.
Next, how is the world treating you? Pretty rough lately, right? S&P demoting the US from its highest rating sums things up rather well. S&P’s reasoning was, well, reasonable: We can pay our bills; we just have a horrible, dysfunctional government. The gang at KindaCare has a much better handle on the whole spirit of compromise.
Appropriately, the approval rating of our current congress is at an all-time low. Recent polls show 82% “disapprove”, 4% were “too polite to say” and 14% approved. That 14% approved of the idiots in Congress is a bit shocking. However, it turns out that the number is entirely made up of congressional family members and pets – as well as a remarkably large group of tourists from China, who were having mean-spirited fun at our expense.
The world is too big for you and I to absorb. It is unhealthy to internalize problems of this type of scale. It is of some comfort – albeit awkward comfort at best – that the world has been rolling from one crisis to the next since the beginning of time. Ice ages, global warming, tight funds – it is what we do. Don’t sweat it.
Taking care of your own corner of the world is pretty much a full time job. Sweat that.
So the question you have to ask is, “What’s wrong with Greendale?” While the correct answer is “Not much,” I – your Investigative Columnist - managed to dig up some dirt.
Do not be offended. While our backyard is nearly fescue perfect, we should not ignore the crab grass. Let’s get our Greendale problems out in the open. At the very least we will find them much more manageable than the price of a tea party in Washington.
Greendale Problem #1: With the recent Property Assessment Adjustment, my house now has a listed Fair Market Value of $32 – if the fridge is full. My annual property tax bill is now 218 times greater than my home’s Fair Market Value. Ouch.
Greendale Problem #2: We have but one Gated Community in the friendly confines of Greendale - our public dump. As dumps go, ours is a gem. I include it on my ‘ITB Guided Tour of Greendale.’ A public dump sharing space with an excellent restaurant? It works here in Greendale. So what’s the problem? While we do lot like to admit it, our dump lacks a certain feng shui. Ever had lawn waste, a bag of rubbish and some recyclables? You are looking at a minimum of two laps, my friend.
Greendale Problem #3: The August 20, 2011 “Gigantic G Section Block Party.” This is nothing but trouble. Forget that the rest of Greendale does not even recognize the G Section as an official part of the Garden Community. The real problem here is what if this catches on in other sections? The “Gigantic C Section Party’ sounds like a reunion of hippos with natural birth issues.
And finally, Greendale Problem #4: Stop me if you have heard this before. You are travelling east on Grange. You want to take a right turn on to 76th Street. The light is red, and will remain that way for the better part of an hour. No prob, it is legal in Wisconsin to take a right hand turn on a red. But wait – there it is…again. That beige Buick - blocking the lane. Please Greendalers – never be that person in the beige Buick. We want to like you.
Above all, remember problems are just nature’s way of keeping us on our toes – the reason we bring out our “A” game. There is nothing we cannot handle.