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What’s Wrong With Greendale?

Trying to find some dirt in the Garden Community...

First, a little housekeeping.  My apologies about the lack of a column last week.  My vowels were at the cleaners.  It turns out an all-consonant column is practically mpssbl 2 ndrstnd.

Next, how is the world treating you?  Pretty rough lately, right?  S&P demoting the US from its highest rating sums things up rather well. S&P’s reasoning was, well, reasonable:  We can pay our bills; we just have a horrible, dysfunctional government.  The gang at KindaCare has a much better handle on the whole spirit of compromise.

Appropriately, the approval rating of our current congress is at an all-time low.  Recent polls show 82% “disapprove”, 4% were “too polite to say” and 14% approved.   That 14% approved of the idiots in Congress is a bit shocking.  However, it turns out that the number is entirely made up of congressional family members and pets – as well as a remarkably large group of tourists from China, who were having mean-spirited fun at our expense.

The world is too big for you and I to absorb.  It is unhealthy to internalize problems of this type of scale.  It is of some comfort – albeit awkward comfort at best – that the world has been rolling from one crisis to the next since the beginning of time.  Ice ages, global warming, tight funds – it is what we do. Don’t sweat it.

Taking care of your own corner of the world is pretty much a full time job.  Sweat that.

So the question you have to ask is, “What’s wrong with Greendale?” While the correct answer is “Not much,” I – your Investigative Columnist - managed to dig up some dirt. 

Do not be offended. While our backyard is nearly fescue perfect, we should not ignore the crab grass. Let’s get our Greendale problems out in the open. At the very least we will find them much more manageable than the price of a tea party in Washington.

Greendale Problem #1:  With the recent Property Assessment Adjustment, my house now has a listed Fair Market Value of $32 – if the fridge is full.  My annual property tax bill is now 218 times greater than my home’s Fair Market Value. Ouch.

Greendale Problem #2: We have but one Gated Community in the friendly confines of Greendale - our public dump.  As dumps go, ours is a gem.  I include it on my ‘ITB Guided Tour of Greendale.’  A public dump sharing space with an excellent restaurant?  It works here in Greendale.  So what’s the problem?  While we do lot like to admit it, our dump lacks a certain feng shui.  Ever had lawn waste, a bag of rubbish and some recyclables?  You are looking at a minimum of two laps, my friend.

Greendale Problem #3: The August 20, 2011 “Gigantic G Section Block Party.”   This is nothing but trouble. Forget that the rest of Greendale does not even recognize the G Section as an official part of the Garden Community.  The real problem here is what if this catches on in other sections?  The “Gigantic C Section Party’ sounds like a reunion of hippos with natural birth issues. 

And finally, Greendale Problem #4: Stop me if you have heard this before.  You are travelling east on Grange.  You want to take a right turn on to 76th Street.  The light is red, and will remain that way for the better part of an hour.  No prob, it is legal in Wisconsin to take a right hand turn on a red.  But wait – there it is…again.  That beige Buick - blocking the lane.  Please Greendalers – never be that person in the beige Buick.  We want to like you.

Above all, remember problems are just nature’s way of keeping us on our toes – the reason we bring out our “A” game.  There is nothing we cannot handle.

Donna Billman August 11, 2011 at 03:39 PM
You are soooo funny! I really appreciate your humor/dry wit. As a 15 year resident, I truly understand your 'take' on our 'bubble'. Keep up the good work/writing! Donna B
Carole Jezek August 11, 2011 at 04:21 PM
LOL Making me smile is good for my neighbors. The evaluation/tax/value is so true. The lovely Public Works yard drive bys is accurate! What a refreshing read for these troubled times.
Dennis Towle, Jr. August 11, 2011 at 04:56 PM
I'd move there tomorrow, but I already live in a "garden" community... actually, it was a garden - but the farmer sold it for a vacation home in the Keys!
Mike Vickery August 11, 2011 at 06:01 PM
First of all - Donna, Carole, Dennis... Come here... group hug! (Thanks for the feedback!) Second - Very small housekeeping item: In paragraph 2 there is a line "We can't pay our bills..." That "can't" should read 'can' - it got changed somewhere in the transmission. The US certainly can pay its bills. We always have and we always will. There is nothing safer in this world than a US Treasury bond - and the whole world knows it. We can pay our bills - we just need much better politicians handling the checkbook. This is S&P's entire point of their downgrade - the US has the 'means', we just need a functional congress to provide the 'ways'.
Joana Briggs August 11, 2011 at 07:03 PM
Mike thanks for taking a light look at some heavy issues. A chuckle a day is good for clearing the mind and getting creative. Greendale is very close to being on target with just about everything. I rent so had no idea of the tax stuff you shared.
greg turay August 12, 2011 at 03:19 AM
Two good items in your by-line that I have to comment on.. Item one - where can you go to get a four pass circle of excitement without paying an arm and a leg, no where but our cherished dump, and why wasn't I invited to the BIG "G" Section picnic. I have been told that my 'tater salad that I would have brought is beyond belief, and you can't stop eating eat, just like some brand of potato chips.
Dennis Towle, Jr. August 15, 2011 at 07:59 AM
Mike, thanks for the hug! It is much more refreshing hearing a poignant view of this mess, but the politicizing of the debt crisis is making for some very strange defensive and offensive tactics... S&P is the messenger - they have been attacked, Obama is the mediator - he is being demonized for the message and attacked, Congress is the instigator of most of this mess, and they are attacking each other. Instead of playing the blame game, let's work on the solutions! PS. This so-called Super Commission is a joke! It is being filled NOT by those that are willing to roll up their sleeves, but by derisive and divisive people with agendas.

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