Greendale vs World

Looking for a new year’s resolution?  Add ‘self-evaluation’ to your routine.  A little self-awareness can go a long a way.

For example, I recently found myself in my den, comfortably sipping White Zen, listening to some Adele while browsing through an O magazine, gaining Oprah’s unique vision on how I should live my life.

I had to ask myself – like perhaps you are asking at this very moment – just how dangerously low was my testosterone level? 

These are turning point moments.  I could either:

A)    Give in, add HGTV to my viewing regime, buy corduroy slacks and make ‘antiquing’ a regular part of my weekends.  Or…

B)   ‘Man up’, grab a cold beer, scratch myself and ask core tough-guy questions, like “Who would win in a fight?”

Like Shakespeare, I chose to be “B”. After all, I am more than a little thirsty – and itchy.  Plus, Choice B allows for the playing of one of the greatest guy games ever, ‘Who Would Win in a Fight?’

Males start playing 'Who Would in a Fight' within a few months of their second birthday.  Who would win in a fight – Barney or Ronald McDonald?  Obviously Ronald, utilizing the crushing power of those big red shoes, wins.  Although a dinosaur, Barney is both pathetically purple… and pathetically weak. 

The game never grows old.  Who would win in a fight – a Zombie or an alligator? Zombie.  Here is a tip: Never bet against a Zombie.  While not beautiful or even particularly gifted fighters, the Living Dead are ruthless. They are literally blood thirsty – a bad sign in an enemy combatant.

Chuck Norris versus Bruce Lee is a tough match.  It would go on and on… and on.  The property damage would be enormous. The loser in this fight?  Their insurance agents.

Okay, your turn to try. Ready?

Who would win in the fight to be America’s Team – Packers or Cowboys?    (Too easy, right?  The Cowboys are not even Texas’s team anymore.)

Let’s ramp this game to the Community Level.  Greendale, are you ready to rumble?

For too long, Greendale and Greenfield have – due to similar names - been confused by small-minded outsiders.  So, in a battle where winner gets to keep the prefix “Green”, who would in a fight – Greendale or Greenfield?

Greenfield is larger.  It has more than twice the population of Greendale and easily three times the land. It also has ten times the apathy.

Greenfield is not exactly swollen with Community Pride or even Community Awareness.  Often its own residents ask: Is this Milwaukee or Greenfield?  Am I in West Allis or Greenfield? 

However, Greendale’s biggest advantage is that - other than that new beautiful high school - Greenfield has nothing worth fighting for.  The fight for “Green’ naming rights will be over in the matter of seconds. 

Greendalians would be all pumped up, only to find Greenfielders eager to lay down their arms – especially if the fight was up against a “Man vs Food” marathon on the Travel Channel.

So with “Green” at stake, who would win in a fight between Greendale and Greenfield? At the end of the day, Greendale’s neighbor to the north will simply be known as “Field.”

With that easy victory under its belt, Greendale would next battle Hales Corners.  The prize? Ownership of beautiful Whitnall Park.  So, who would win in a fight for Whitnall – Greendale or Hales Corners?

The motivation here is a huge factor.  Whitnall Park has golf, archery, mountain bike trails, hiking trails, and sledding.  Whitnall Park has nature centers, botanical gardens, toboggan chutes, soccer fields, picnic areas, and poorly lit parking lots – which, as police reports show, apparently can be used for a variety of activities – mostly sexual. 

Obviously, both combatants – Greendale and Hales Corners – will fight hard for this territory.  Obtaining Whitnall Park is the Louisiana Purchase of southwest Milwaukee County.  It is a game-changer, to be sure. 

Here is the difference.  Hales Corners, a fine community - with its own K Mart and the Gold’s Gym we all go to - has no natural attachment to Whitnall.  To H.C, Whitnall is just that big green blob on their Eastern Front.  And it as contaminated with deer poop. 

Greendale, also a fine community - with no K Mart but home of the Wisconsin’s largest mall - shares a history with the Park.  Both Greendale and Whitnall were born out of the Depression.  Whitnall Park and Greendale go together like Packers and Championship titles.  It is a birth right.

Who would win in fight between Greendale and Hales Corners?  Let’s just say Wehr Nature Center is now Our Nature Center.

Ahhh,  “Who Would Win in a Fight” (almost as much fun as the “1, 2 or 3 She’s (He’s) Yours” game) gets those creative and competitive juices flowing, doesn’t it?  Who Would Win in a Fight – Low T or ITB?

Always bet on ITB.

Happy 2012, Bubble-ites!