Silence Me... Please

“And if we threw it all away
Things can only get better”

Howard Jones

I am a Noun. 

Full disclosure: I am on the low end of the Noun ‘person, place, or thing’ trifecta.  I am a Thing. 

And as long as we are being honest, like those who do not pay child support and eight track players, I am a Useless Thing. Incredibly useless, without question.  I will be the first to admit it.  

However, I am one Thing that has been in the news a lot lately.  I need to make a statement.

Keep your expectations low.  As you know, Things are not deep thinkers.

(Look at the opening quote.  Howard Jones?  Only a Thing would quote Howard Jones.)

As you read on, it will become abundantly clear that Things are not great communicators.  Things are simple.  We lack the soul of Person, the view of Place.  We Things are, at our best, tools used and controlled by the Lord of Nouns, People. 

Before revealing my identity, I need to make two points:  One, I am big fan of the US Constitution and its Bill of Rights – considered royalty in the World of Things.  That Second Amendment?  Spot on. And two, the National Rifle Association has given me much support over the years – really, more than I deserve. 

Okay - full disclosure time:

I am an AR-15.

I am a legal weapon made for sales to the public sector. Here is where it goes sour: I am a semi - automatic weapon easily converted to a fully automatic weapon. I guess I personify the evils of too much of a good Thing.

I am not a rifle who is anti-gun.  That would be silly.  But, as a Thing in too many lead news stories, I need to make a stand and it is this:  Despite being one, I am anti-automatic weapon.  Sort of.  (I warned you about the lack of communication skills of Things.)

Things are not black and white, I am sure you will agree. You cannot say ‘all automatic weapons are bad’.   My cousin, the M-16, has its place in the military.  Automatic and semi-automatic weapons have their place – just not in the civilian world.  Hunters do not need us; clay pigeon shooters do not need us. Let’s be honest – outside the military, the world does not need me.  I will admit it.  I am a Bad Thing.

So why is it the NRA - made up of the Top Nouns (People) - will not admit the same thing about me, the AR-15?

The NRA was formed in 1871 by Colonel William Church and General George Wingate who were flabbergasted at complete lack of marksmanship displayed during the Civil War.  999 out of 1000 shots missed their mark.  The primary goal of the association would be to "promote and encourage rifle shooting on a scientific basis”.  The goal was to develop some practice rifle ranges and promote gun safety.  Good stuff.

Flash forward to 2012 and you got the NRA digging in a no compromise position defending me, the AR-15.  Stop it boys, you are making me blush.  It is not self-pity – (us Things are not burdened with such emotions - more Spock than Kirk) – when I say I am just not worth it.

I remember when Common Sense used to be a Thing.  I am pro Common Sense.  You Lord of the Nouns are at your very best when you exhibit abundant Common Sense. 

Go ahead and show some. Silence me.  Please.