Challenges

OVERCOMING CHALLENGES

by Karen Thomas Conklin

From time to time, we all face challenges which interfere with our enjoyment of life; and in some cases, these very challenges are what present the best opportunities for personal growth.  Looking back, I think the most difficult challenge for me was learning to speak before a group.  I was given the opportunity to take seminars out to teachers all over Kansas when a grad assistant, teach adults while employed at Labette Community College, and do presentations at conferences while working at Johnson County Community College, I’m pleased to say those experiences helped me to I learn how to deal with my fear, and to overcome it enough to succeed at public speaking; but it wasn’t easy. 

When I first began doing presentations, I couldn't even sleep the night before I was to give a talk.  As the time approached for me to give my presentation, I felt almost nauseous with fear; and my mouth was so dry it felt as though it was full of cotton.  Somehow, I forced myself to get up there and do it anyway.  Over time, although it was never something I cherished doing, giving talks did become more bearable.  What made the difference?  I realized that I survived; nothing horrible happened if I made mistakes, talked too fast, forgot words, or otherwise made a fool of myself.  

As my confidence in myself increased, my presentations did seem to get better.  Thank God for that, as I have no doubt it was a relief to my audience to actually learn something from my presentation rather than watching me fumble around up there.  I learned to prepare carefully, rehearsing over and over again to be sure I included all of the pertinent points and finished on time.  I made detailed overhead transparencies, not only to encourage the audience to be looking at the screen and not at me, but also to serve as reminders to keep me on track so I wouldn’t have to be looking at note cards.  

That worked well until I was scheduled for a 50-minute talk in a basement room with no windows, and the power went out.  I had two choices: give up this opportunity to present my paper to the waiting audience, or find a way to do it in the dark.  I chose to present my paper anyway.  So there I was in the semi-dark room, holding up each transparency containing data pertinent to my talk and saying, “If you could see this . . . “ It was scary trying to complete my presentation under these circumstances, but the good part of all that was that complimentary remarks from various members of the audience afterward were what finally got me over most of my fear of public speaking.  

Most, if not all, of us have some emotional baggage to carry throughout our lives. Our choice is to deal with it and move forward, or to give in to it and miss the opportunity for growth that only challenges can provide.  At this stage of my life, my challenges are far less frightening than in the past, but they’re just as real.   While on an airplane en route to Raleigh, North Carolina last October to visit my grandson and his family, my knee suddenly gave out as I was sliding across the seat to reach the aisle.  Fortunately, after enduring a few painful moments, I was able to walk.  The knee gave out on me several other times while I was there, but each time I recovered within minutes, and I never actually fell down.  

After I returned home, I did fall, right into the clothes basket in my closet, so off I went to see my doctor.  She was sure I had torn the meniscus.  She explained that this is a very common injury for people of all ages.  It was her opinion, because knee surgeries aren’t always successful, that it would be best just to learn to live with it.  A few days after that, the knee gave out in church as I was exiting the pew.  This time, the pain wouldn’t stop.  I couldn’t put any weight on the leg at all, so my daughter-in-law was called and off to the emergency room (ER) we went.  There the doctor examined me, ordered a very welcome shot of morphine followed by x-rays of my knee, and at last I was given a full leg brace to wear and sent home until surgery could be arranged.  

It was a scary time for me because yes, meniscus surgery is very common, but this was MY knee!  As it turned out, this was a good learning experience for me.  I had never been this disabled before, so I had never realized how important it is for others to leave the handicap bathroom stall empty and use other facilities when they are available.  I literally could not get up from the stool with that leg brace on without being in a handicap stall with grab bars.  How annoying it was to go into a public restroom and see several empty smaller stalls, while someone who was obviously NOT disabled was using the only handicap one in the room.  Please don’t ever do that.

I rose to the challenge of learning to get around as a gimp because I had to; one does what one must.  I also realized how blessed I was to have family willing to drop everything to come and help me.  My son came day I went to the ER and he was able to stay long enough to teach me how to get around with the brace on without hurting myself.  Lucky for me, he had gone through extensive knee surgery a couple of years before; he knew all of the tricks of getting up and down stairs, in and out of the car, and so forth.  He drove up again to be with me for a few days after my surgery, and my daughter also flew in from Portland to remain with me for the surgery itself.  I guess even though meniscus surgery is very common, to my kids it was a big deal.  

Words simply are not enough to express how grateful I was to have so much encouragement and support.  I guess I knew I’d be fine in due time, but emotionally I was scared.  What if the surgery failed and was left without the ability to walk?  What if I couldn’t take care of myself?  What if I couldn’t continue with my normal activities?  Silly thoughts I know, but it was the way I felt.  

We never get old enough to avoid challenges in our lives, and most of them come along when we least expect them.  What I’ve learned is that it isn’t the challenge that’s important; it’s how you deal with it and with the stress that accompanies it.  We can lessen the stress through alcohol or drugs, we can ignore the challenge and hope it goes away on its own; or we can face it, learn from it, and grow stronger as a result of our experience.  The choice is ours.

As I get older, I find I don’t deal with challenges as easily; I don’t seem to have the strength of character I used to have to meet them head on.  Perhaps that’s what’s most valuable about developing good relationships; if you’re lucky (as I was), others will be there for you, to see you through and to help you to overcome these challenges as they occur.  

I loved the line in “Oh God!” when John Denver was approached by God, played by George Burns.  John Denver’s character asked God, “Why don’t you help us?” to which God replied, “I have helped you; I gave you each other.”