Long before there was a Ferch’s, long before there was a Greendale Village Hall, there was Oak.  This Oak – as we have grown to expect in Greendale – is above average in every way. It was an All-State Acorn. It won Class AA “Best Leaf” 7 years in a row. It’s Bio, “My Bark is Not Worse Than My Bite” won a Participation Ribbon.  This is not just another tree. Greendale Historical Society President Ted Mainella explained that this somewhat towering Oak is a “Witness Tree”. Being a “Witness Tree” is a fairly big deal. In its life – from a crazy little nut, to a gangling sapling and eventually to …

As every clock owner knows, the times they are a changin’. It certainly holds true here in the Garden Community. We move into our 75th year in full stride, boasting of archways and signage and streetscaping and a totally reimagined Mall.  Our Village Leaders have done all this without a loss of innocence, without transforming our core essence.  We remain way more Bedford Falls than Pottersville.  I am fairly certain Mr. Gower is a manager at our Walgreens. The last time Greendale went through so much change was in 1938 – the big move from ‘cow pasture’ to ‘Village’. Historians refer to 1938 …

As far as PR goes, this has not been Greendale’s best week.  Bomb scares and bullying are generally not the reasons you want to show up on the front page of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.  Yet, here we are. Remember those simpler times when really tall sunflowers got us in the news? This turn of events is not a bad thing. Turning the lights on a problem is always positive action.  The illumination reveals blemishes best exposed – and then duly dealt with.  For this moment, the heck with our ‘Garden of Eden Community’ reputation.  We have troubles, right here in Greendale.  “Trouble” – that …

"Trying hard to recreate what had yet to be created." - Doobie Brothers As of last Saturday, with some controversy, Greendale, Wisconsin officially became a “Norman Rockwell Village”.  We could, without question, do much worse. Better to be a Norman Rockwell Village than say a Salvador Dali Village.  Sure, our colors would be impossibly brilliant, but a melting clock on Village Hall would be an annoying, inaccurate timepiece, at best.  The Norman Rockwell statue, by any measure, certainly beats a depiction of “The Hallucinogenic Toreador”.  Now that would be a traffic hazard. Besides, the …

  I am going to tell you something, but you have to promise to keep it a secret.  I have done something big for Greendale.  Huge.  But it is a surprise, so do not go telling Village President John Hermes, Village Manager Todd Michaels or the Board of Trustees.  Same goes to new School Superintendent John Tharp.  Mums the word. Pinkie swear. Here is the secret: Still drunk with the splendor of the London Games, I have signed Greendale up to host the 2020 Summer Olympics!  (Apparently, I was a little late on the 2016 games.  Rio, I hate you so much.) The application has recently been filed with…

Either figuratively or quite literally, the door to Hell opened up 10 miles from your front door.  Check Google Earth.  Time the lights right on 27th Street and it takes about 20 minutes to go from the heart of Greendale to the heart of Oak Creek.  It takes less than a second to get to the heart of the Sikh – the same amount of time it takes to break the heart of a caring nation, a caring world. Tragedy ties like-minded people together.  As of 10:25 am Sunday, we are all Sikh. From sea to shining sea, from Cudahy to Punjab, we are all brothers and sisters. Sunday's mass shooting left six dead…

Maybe you are lucky and have never been there, but someday you will. It is a place that finds you. It is a hard place.  It is scary place. It is cold. It is lonely.  Quiet? Don’t get me started.  The solitude cuts like jagged glass.  Your chest is an empty drum.  No question - this is tough place. But you are tougher.  You are going to rise above this place. It’s going to be okay. Sure, you are going to have to reach deep.  You are going to have to double your previous best lift. Breathe -and remember to exhale on the exertion. Smooth and steady motion, Champ.  You so got this. Here is …

“Tonight We are young So let’s set the world on fire We can burn brighter than the sun”   Never mind what you heard.  Two wrongs never make it a right.  Wrongs, regardless of quantity, just make a wrong. Three lefts do not make a right.  Sometimes all you are left with is a turn for the worse. The following is from a Tuesday email by Brunelli Family spokesman Johnny Gardetto: “Friends of Mark, It saddens me to deliver the news that Mark has took a turn for the worst late last night.  At around 3 am Mark went into a coma, a CT scan indicated that the cancer spread to his brain.  He is …

Hey Joe Popular, there is a reason your answering machine has 103 messages.  While way overdue, you have been finally recognized as the coolest person on earth.  That, or like the rest of us, you are just be buried alive with robo-calls from R.W.A. — Republicans With Attitude.  The election season is, once again, upon us.  I, for one, am ready.  I have my special voting pencil sharpened, my Mitt Santorum t-shirt freshly pressed and my extra ballots stuffed in my pocket.  Next Tuesday we Rock the Election. April 3rd is Election Day, but it is not Recall Election Day. They are saving that ‘fun…

First things first. I need to apologize to my faithful readers – both of you – for the total lack of Inside the Bubble columns.  I would like to offer you a good reason, a good excuse for the recent  ITB drought. Instead, all I can tell you is my dog ate my laptop.  Also, my vowels were at the cleaners and I misplaced the claim ticket. I'm sure you will agree the quality of any column drops drastically without vowel usage. Thank you for your understanding. Okay, a lot has happened since the last column, the biggest being that February has turned into March. And March 2012 is suffering from …

Okay, girls – get out.  Like a good Deer Camp, this column is ‘Guys Only’… only less gassy. Or maybe more gassy – we have not decided yet. Bottom line, females, you need to click the next hyperlink out of here.  You got five seconds.  Go, go, go…nothing for you to see here.  5, 4, 3, 2… 1! Guys, it is now an estrogen free zone. You can stop holding in your gut.  Let the dog in house.  It is just us.  Get rid of that coaster. Gentlemen, I hate call this Emergency Bro Meeting on such short notice.  But, boys, we got Trouble.  That is right, Trouble. With a capital T.  And that rhymes V and that…

How quickly did dreams of Packer Super Bowl XLVI glory evaporate?  They fell in one Giant thud, right? Like me, you are asking, “Now what?” I know the answer, but you might not like it: It is time to get back to real life.  And in 2012, real life is dominated by political elections.  Please do not shoot the messenger. Sure, it is a bit of let-down.  Watching Donald Driver’s gleeful “I got us a first down” move will always surpass any gesture Rick Santorum can conjure.  Politics, above all, are a reminder of this axiom: Life is not always about fun. Life is also about stump speeches and …

Hamlet had Horatio.  While Hamlet – the Drama Queen / Danish Prince - hogs the spotlight, Horatio stands by his nutty friend.  In fact, Horatio was all set to polish off the poison intended for Hamlet.  Horatio - true, honest, rational, loyal and, according to legend, just two merit badges shy of achieving the rank of Eagle Scout. So Horatio was a Life Scout. Bottom line: You cannot do better than Horatio when it comes to picking a friend. Go make it right, Horatio. Frodo Baggins had Samwise Gamgee.  Like Horatio, Samwise - the son of a gardener Hamfast Gamgee -  is the unsung hero.  Frodo, …

The Most Efficient amongst us are, of course, done.  Their lights are up, their Christmas cards have been sent and their holiday shopping is complete. Their receipts are doubled filed – alphabetically and by dollar value. In anticipation of less than acceptable gifts from the rest of us, they have already set up a procedure for returns.  These people, the Most Efficient, will be taking down their Christmas decorations next week.  They need to start prepping for Valentine’s Day. However, the rest of us have some Christmas work to do.  Example: We have to pick up our gay apparel from the dry …

‘Occupy Wall Street’ meet ‘Occupy Broad Street’.  Without question, it was only a matter of time.  This is Greendale.  We are the 99 percent.  Actually, upon further review, it turns out 100% of us are the 99%.  (There are lies, damn lies and statistics.) Greendale, as you know, is huge on Social Causes.  We are a Community of Aunt Bees without Sheriff Taylor to keep us in check.  Example: Our reported voter turnout makes Kim Jong-il blush.  Last election? Voter turnout of 103%!  In your face, North Korea! Our Official Village Song is the Doobie Brothers “Takin’ It to the Streets” – although …

You logically would think otherwise.  However, this job change – going from weekly to bi-weekly as a Greendale Patch columnist – makes things exponentially tougher. My neck hurts from over-zealous looking the other way.  I now have to ignore not one, but two weeks of local news before writing a column on non-Greendale topics such as the Awesome Coolness of Ryan Braun.   But Mr. Braun’s coolness will have to wait for another day.  Greendale will not be ignored.  Nobody puts Baby - or apparently Greendale - in the corner.  Greendale, as it has been since its Works Progress Administration …

Like many of you, I was meant to be a parent.  I am the Roy Hobbs of fatherhood - The Natural. Specifically, my wheelhouse is being the parent of boys between the ages of 1 through 12.  My physical and mental skills match up fairly well to this group.  I excel at living room fort building – a regular Frank Lloyd Wright with blankets and pillows.  I hold my own at Pre-K soccer, scoring my share of goals, thank you.  I am – to this group, just plain fun. I hate to brag, but seven year olds find me very funny.  Hey, gassy noises ARE a laugh riot; pretend or otherwise. By and large, the parenting…

Measles made the news this week, as Greendale was the home of the Milwaukee area’s third reported case of “that for what we should be immunized against.” Yes, Measles is the Lord Voldemort of communicable diseases.  Here at the ITB, we have been consistent in our Anti Measle position. Anyone that knows me knows of my total disdain of Paramyxoviruses.   Even the word – Paramyxoviruses (from Greek para-, beyond, -myxo-, mucus or slime, plus virus, from Latin poison) – induces dry heaves.  (Why Greenfield High School considered changing their team name from “Hustlin’ Hawks” to the “Fighting …

Let's start with a core belief, courtesy of Sir Isaac Newton: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Next a message to what is left of al-Qaeda: No one gets to take a beautiful September day away from us.  We are getting it back.  Do not think for even a split-second that any event – no matter how insanely evil - will keep us down.  That, my enemy, is delusional thinking. Seek therapy. We own 9/11.  We will turn this day into a celebration about everything that is beautiful about the American spirit. There is much to celebrate.  We are not a nation of mourners.  We are not …

That Alice Cooper is such a liar.  Students, I know you are asking that one important thing:  ‘Who in the heck is Alice Cooper?’  Fair question. Thirty nine years ago, Alice Cooper had this top ten hit - a June anthem really - all about school being out forever.  Alice said his song was trying to capture the last three minutes of the school year.  It worked for me. Anyway, as you know, Alice lied. School is definitely not out forever.  With Labor Day in the rear view mirror, there will be more pencils.  There will be more books.  And, thanks to Governor Walker, there will be no shortage of …